FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHAT TO EXPECT: RAPE TRAUMA SYNDROME It will be helpful for you to understand the usual response of victims to rape. While rape survivors may react in different ways, a pattern of response has been identified. This pattern is called Rape Trauma Syndrome. This syndrome is not a mental disorder but merely a description of common experiences of rape victims. Impact Phase During the hours and days following the rape, victims may respond with shock, disbelief, confusion, agitation, crying, anger, fear, and even laughing. Some victims appear to be very controlled and calm. They may also experience the physical symptoms of pain, soreness, bruising, vaginal or rectal bleeding, and headaches, and may have difficulty resuming their everyday routines. These are natural responses to a life-threatening trauma and your support can help him/her through these difficult days. Acute Phase After the initial shock has passed, victims often experience a variety of symptoms: nightmares, flashbacks, insomnia, loss of appetite, mood swings, depression, anxiety, phobias, humiliation, and self-blame. This can be a very painful time for both the victim and his/her loved ones. Do not be alarmed as these responses are common to victims of rape and are part of working through the trauma. Another reaction for some victims may be denial. Victims often try to forget about the rape and "move on with their lives." Although this may appear to you to be a resolution to the crisis, it typically is not. They often continue to be experiencing the difficulties mentioned above despite a normal outward appearance. When the victim breaks through this denial, he/she may actually appear to be backsliding in the healing process. His/her reactions, while understandably troubling to both of you, are actually a sign that he/she is beginning to confront the feelings brought on by the rape. Patience and continued support are the keys to helping the victim through these times. Enjoy the good days and continue to be there during the difficult times. During this time, you may wish that he/she would stop talking about his/her feelings or about the rape. If the victim is your significant other, you may feel like it's time that he/she resumed sexual relations with you. You may feel impatient with the nightmares and fears of darkness, strangers and sudden noises. Most of all, you may fear that life will never be the same again. Remember that recovery from rape can take a long time, sometimes a very long time. Try to be patient and understanding and seek out your own source of support to help you through these periods of stress. Integration Phase In this final phase of healing, the victim comes to terms with the victimization. He/she may come through this process with a new self-concept and will probably feel stronger and realize that he/she is a survivor not a victim. Your support, patience, and caring during the healing process may make for a stronger relationship. Having survived this crisis, you both will have gained greater self-knowledge and awareness. CONCERNS ABOUT SEXUALITY AND INTIMACY Because rape is a violent sexual act, both you and the victim may be experiencing considerable anxiety about resuming sexual activity. The typical reaction to rape involves a temporary disruption in previous patterns of sexual activity. If your sexual difficulties are long-term or extreme, you may both want to seek counseling. If the victim experienced a rape that involved extreme sexual violence and/or multiple perpetrators, professional support may be necessary in order to resume sexual activity. Younger victims, for whom the rape was the first sexual experience may also have greater concerns and fears and choose to get counseling. It is important to be understanding and sensitive during sexual activity. Some aspects of sex may remind the survivor of the rape and flashbacks may be experienced. Allow him/her to regain his/her sense of control which was taken by the rapist. Do not demand or pressure the survivor into sexual activity. Don't be angry with the survivor or doubt your own sexual adequacy if he/she appears to be less sexually responsive than before. Give him/her the opportunity to openly communicate his/her feelings about your sexual relationship. Demonstrating anger, frustration, or an unwillingness to change certain patterns will distance the two of you and place an added burden on your sexual relationship. You both may be very concerned that your partner has contracted a sexually transmitted disease. This is a possibility, and you will want to protect yourself and have medical testing. The threat of contracting the HIV virus is very frightening, and you should consider practicing safe sex for six months to one year following the rape while awaiting test results. Be patient. Sexual disruption following rape is usually temporary and can be overcome with sensitivity and understanding. Final Comments For Secondary Survivors Helping a loved one heal from rape can require patience, empathy, understanding, real listening, and time. Your support and belief in the survivor communicate the most important message: that you love him/her unconditionally. Believe in the survivor and yourself, and trust that he/she is strong enough to do the rest. Remember that your feelings are important too, and that help is available. Ozark Rape Crisis Center is here for both you and the survivor.