FOR VICTIMS AND SURVIVORS EMOTIONAL CONCERNS OF RAPE VICTIMS My Feelings Are Overwhelming. Is This Normal? As a survivor of a violent crime, you will probably experience many feelings. The first step to coping with painful feelings is to recognize them. Anger, fear, shame, sadness, loss, loneliness, and embarrassment are among the many common feelings experienced by victims of rape. You may feel guilty because you believe you allowed the rape to happen or you did not do enough to fight off your attacker. You may feel afraid that your attacker will come back. You may feel ashamed and embarrassed about what has happened to you. You may feel helpless because it seems you have lost control of your life. You may feel angry and take it out on those you love. You may feel unclean, even after bathing. The feelings that are experienced by rape survivors like yourself are many. These feelings are not uncommon and are not cause for alarm. Common Behavioral Reactions to Rape Related to these painful feelings are some behavioral reactions that you may also experience. Again, these behaviors are commonly experienced by rape survivors, so it is important to know that your reactions are not unusual. You may not be able to sleep or you may have nightmares. You may find that your eating habits have changed. You may have trouble concentrating and/or making decisions. You may have difficulty resuming your usual activities. You may not want to be alone or you may feel like withdrawing from relationships. You may be tearful or cry uncontrollably. You may have difficulty resuming your normal sexual relationships. You may experience a lack of interest or apathy. You may be irritable. You may be preoccupied with thoughts about the rape. What Can I Do to Cope With These Feelings and Reactions? 1. Recognize that YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME. Remember that rape is a crime of violence, not a sexual act. The rapist is to blame. Even if you feel you used poor judgment prior to the rape, it is critical to remember that the punishment for poor judgment or trusting someone should never be rape. No one deserves to be raped. Again, you are not to blame. 2. SEEK SUPPORT. Seek out individuals whom you know will be supportive--a friend, family member, or counselor who will offer encouragement, concern, trust, and understanding. ORCC is another resource for emotional support through our 24-hour help line, support groups, and individual advocacy. How Long Will It Take Me To Get Over The Rape? Recovery will take time. Everyone is different and has an individual rate for recovery. It may take several weeks or up to a year or two to feel that you have "recovered." Remember that friends and family may have unrealistic ideas about recovery time. They may seem impatient with your healing process. Encourage them to call ORCC for more information about the healing process for survivors of rape. Dealing with your feelings now can help you avoid long-term difficulties. It is not uncommon to simply want to forget the rape and put it behind you. Denying that the rape affected you and pushing your feelings away can lead to difficulty in relationships, problems at school or work, etc. Talking with a supportive person will help you explore your feelings about what has happened to you and come to terms with it. It is never too late to heal from rape. Victims who seek help many years after rape experience significant healing from the depression, anxiety, and fear that often accompanies the crime of rape. If you have questions about your progress, consult your counselor, ORCC advocate, or other resource person. Remember that the strength that helped you survive the rape will also help you recover from the aftermath of rape. Cause for Concern/Seeking Counseling Many emotional and physical reactions to rape are painful and may seem overwhelming. Seeking counseling may be beneficial in helping you cope with these normal reactions to rape. If, however, you experience greater difficulties, counseling is strongly encouraged. Some reactions, which may be cause for concern, include drug and alcohol abuse, suicidal urges, long-term depression, engaging in risky behaviors, fear of men, and long-term relationship difficulties. Talking with an experienced counselor who is knowledgeable about rape may help you cope with the rape and work through your difficulties. You may call ORCC for counseling referrals.